Quick, to the slutcave!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
