Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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