cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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