Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
