The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
