she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who died my cat blue again?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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