I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
