this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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