yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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