I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize