He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
