Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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