The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
