That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
