I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
