you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
