Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
