The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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