I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
