Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
