wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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