we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
