My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
