I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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