this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
