I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
