We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
