We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
