piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
