Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
