So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
