Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
