I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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