that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
