Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize