i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
