Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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