the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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