ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
