Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
