The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my liver is dry heaving
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
