Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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