I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
