I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
