why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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