Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
