in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
