He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
