I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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