birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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