So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
