I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
