Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
