Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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