Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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