we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
