Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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