Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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