I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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