in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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