I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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