Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
