yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
