I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
