Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize