I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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