If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
